Travel back in time with me to July 2006. I had graduated from high school on May 22 of the same year. I had attended the same school for my entire life. I graduated with a class of 60-70 people (not sure of the exact number). So, we literally all knew each other and most of us had grown up together. So, here I am during the summer preparing for a major change-college. I was excited about this change, but also nervous. It helped to know that one of my good friends was going to be attending the same college. We also were both going to be members of the Sound of the South colorguard.
Due to being a member of the colorguard, I had to move to Troy early for band camp. I had a scholarship, so I was going to live in the dorm. My parents went up with me and we moved all of my stuff in the dorm. For band camp, however, I would be staying with my friend, Andrea and my soon to be friend, Ashley in their apartment. Band camp was an extremely long, hard 2 weeks. It was all worth it, though, to stand on the field for a home crowd and perform with the Sound of the South. I also had the opportunity to perform on FSU’s and Georgia Tech’s fields and in the Superdome in New Orleans. None of that has anything to do with my story, though.
I remember sitting in class on my first day of college and fighting back tears. I had been away from home for 2 weeks, but that had been for band camp and I had been so busy that I hadn’t had time to think about being away from home. While I sat in my math class, I decided I would be going home as soon as band practice was over that afternoon. Home was only one hour away from Troy, so this wasn’t a big deal. I drove home and made it there in time to attend my church’s youth group Wednesday night worship service. Aaah, now this feels right. This feels normal. This is where I belong. I remember thinking as I worshipped and hung out with my friends and fellow church members. Unfortunately, I had to go back to Troy the next morning.
Little by little, I got used to being in Troy. I got to know some people and enjoyed the benefits of being away from home. For me, these benefits included hanging out until all hours of the night and not having to keep tabs with my parents. I remember I spent many nights during my freshman year starting movies at 2 o’clock in the morning. Of course, this only lasted one semester because I soon discovered that I am not a late night person. Although I was getting used to college and I had some good times, I still was very unhappy. I missed the comfort and security of home and my circle of friends. I missed the familiarity of my life as it had been. Basically, I was out of my comfort zone and I didn’t like it.
On a good note, I found myself growing extremely close to God during this difficult time. I was beginning to have a relationship with Him like I’d never had before. I began to know what it was like to “pray without ceasing.” I found myself often meditating on scripture and thinking about verses throughout the day.
Adding to my college troubles were some relationship issues that I won’t go into details about. However, as I think back on any of my relationships, I realized something that I do want to go into a little bit. How often do people stay in a relationship simply because it’s comfortable? Deep down inside, where you’ve tried to suppress it, is a feeling that this isn’t the right person for me. They may be- and usually are- a great person. You may have a lot of fun together and enjoy hanging out. You feel like you can talk to them about anything. You even truly like them and care about them. However, way down deep is that feeling-this isn’t the person God has for me! There’s the hard part. Are you following what you want or what God wants for you? I remember how scary it is to think that you’re going to have to start all over with someone else. I also remember that sinking feeling you feel when something exciting or funny or even something bad happens and the first thing you want to do is call that person. Then, you remember-you can’t or you shouldn’t.
So, hopefully all of that gives you a slight idea of where I was in my life as I ended my first semester of college. Of course, I went home during my Christmas break. However, it wasn’t quite what I was expecting. Now, I didn’t feel like I really fit in there either. December 31, 2006 rolled around and I got a phone call from one of my friends who had gotten married in August. She and her husband were living in Graceville where they both attended the Baptist College of Florida. They were both Headland graduates and friends of mine. She was calling to see if I wanted to come to their house the next night. They were having a few of their friends over for supper. Of course, I jumped at the chance to go do something.
That night, I remember laying on the floor of my living room watching a countdown on TV. I remember being fed up with the way I was handling and had handled relationships in my life. I went to my room and broke down. I cried and prayed and cried and prayed. I decided in that moment that I wanted to give my relationships over to God. I told Him that I was tired of dating for the sake of dating. I was also tired of dating all the wrong guys. I prayed for Him to direct me in my future with relationships. I also did something that I had always wanted to do, but had never done. I wrote a letter to my future husband. Even though I didn’t know who he was or when I would meet him, I wanted him to know what had been going on in my life. I also wanted him to know that I was praying for him and praying for God to be preparing us for one another. I dated it January 1, 2007 12:01 A.M. Then, after a final prayer, I went to bed.
To be continued…
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