To Those Forgotten on Mother's Day

People have been celebrating mothers throughout history and in every culture. Mother's Day as we know it was started by a woman named Anna Jarvis. Anna Jarvis worked for this day as a way to honor her late mother. Her mother, Ann, gave birth to 11 children, but only 4 of them lived to be adults. Anna viewed this holiday as a way to show gratitude and give honor to the woman who gave you life. She fought to keep the name Mother's Day instead of Mothers' Day. In her eyes, it was not a day to celebrate all mothers. It was a day to celebrate YOUR mother.

Sadly, like any other holiday in our culture, Mother's Day quickly became commercialized. The way Mother's Day began to be celebrated bothered Anna Jarvis so much that she actually began fighting against this holiday. (National Geographic, SCFI)

For many women, this holiday brings up very painful and bitter feelings. Feelings that are often misunderstood by people who've never experienced any of them. Mother's Day was set up to honor a bereaved mother, yet bereaved mothers are usually forgotten on this day.

In 2010, the Sunday before Mother's Day was set apart as Bereaved Mother's Day. This day was set up to raise awareness. However, I want to recognize the forgotten mothers right here during the traditional Mother's Day.

For those of you struggling with infertility, I'm sorry you have to watch friend after friend and family member after family member get pregnant and give birth while you wait for your miracle. I'm sorry that you are embarrassed and feel like you can't talk about your struggle with anyone. I'm sorry that you have feelings towards those who are mothers that you're ashamed to admit or voice.

For those of you who've had miscarriages, I'm sorry that you experienced that moment of joy only to have it taken away from you. I'm sorry you have to watch your friends or family members or even just acquaintances have their babies. I'm sorry you feel like there's something wrong with you or wonder whether you could have done something different. I'm sorry you had to watch your due date come and go without your baby.

For those of you who've lost a child, I'm sorry you had to experience what I'm sure is one of the most painful things in the world. Whether your child lived a few hours or into adulthood, I'm sorry you will never be able to celebrate a(nother) birthday with them. Maybe you don't get to see them graduate, get married, or have kids of their own and I'm sorry. It's not fair for a parent to have to bury their child.

For those of you who gave your child up for adoption, I'm sorry that for whatever reason you weren't in the place to be able to raise your child. I'm sorry you have to wonder about whether or not you made the right decision. I'm sorry you don't get to watch all their milestones as they grow up. For some of you, I'm sorry you don't even know where they are or what they're doing. For others of you, I'm sorry you have to watch them grow up from a distance with the occasional picture and email update.

For those of you who've had an abortion, I'm sorry that you felt that this was the best or only decision you could make. I'm sorry that you could be living with regrets or wondering what if. I know that this was not an easy decision and it's one you will have to live with for the rest of your life. I'm sorry that people are judgmental and you've been hurt by their comments.

I'm sorry for those of you who are single at an age when you thought you'd be married and have at least one kid. I'm sorry you have to be around all your friends and their families. I'm sorry you feel like you're never going to have the things you want.

There are many complex situations out there and I know that I have not touched on all the possibilities of situations or feelings. Whatever your situation may be, I want this post to honor you.

If you don't find yourself in any of these categories, if you didn't have any trouble having children and they are all with you today, or if you haven't made the decision to try and become a mother or you never plan to, please realize that you know someone (probably multiple people) who are hurting this Mother's Day. Would you reach out to show them love? Would you write them a card? Share this post with them? Invite them over for dinner? You don't have to understand their feelings. You don't have to know the "right" things to say. They just need someone to be there for them. Don't let them be forgotten this Mother's Day.

If you would like more information, to help raise awareness, or if you need a community of support,  Still Standing Magazine is a great resource I'd encourage you to check out.