You Can't Go Home

Yesterday was our 3 year anniversary. So in a couple of weeks, it will have been 3 years since I moved away from Alabama to North Carolina.

When you move away from home, things will never be the same. People who've lived in one place their whole life don't understand this.

I got a little taste of this when I went to college. I've written about it before, but basically several of my friends didn't go away to college or they were still in high school when I went away to college. When I went home, I kind of got depressed because everyone had just went on with their life while mine had changed.

Moving to NC was really hard. I'd lived in the same small town my whole life and had pretty much had the same friends. Most of my family lived in the same town as me also. Saying good-bye was dificult and of course everyone promises to keep in touch.

Well, here's what happens- everyone goes on with their life without you. I know that sounds very self-centered, but that's not how I mean it. Of course, I don't expect everyone's life to change because I leave. It's just difficult because my life changed so much. I spent so much time on Facebook looking at what everyone was doing and being sad because I was missing out.

The first time I went home, I got together with all my friends and it was like old times. Over the next few visits, though, the number of people who made time to see me got slimmer and slimmer. Until now, I only see a few people when I go home to visit.

People change. People grow apart. It's a sad reality of life. It's one I've had to learn how to deal with because my friends have always meant a lot to me. I feel unable to relate to people in my hometown sometimes because I've experienced so many new things. I live in a bigger city now. I've experienced diversity that you don't get in a small southern town. I don't view the world the same way anymore.  I don't mean to sound like all small town people are narrow minded because I know that's not true. I just mean that my way of thinking has changed while the way of thinking of most of the people I know has stayed the same.

Our few years of marriage have also been far from a "honeymoon" stage. We've moved twice. We've both lost our job. We both have worked stressful jobs. My husband gets sick at least every other month. When he gets sick, he stays that way from anywhere from a week to a month at a time. While he's sick, he doesn't eat; he doesn't get out of the house; and he doesn't act like himself. We've accumulated great hospital debt and doctor visits debt. There are other things we're dealing with that I don't feel like mentioning. I'm not trying to complain because I know these things are shaping us into who we are, but none of my friends can relate to these things. 

Today, it's easier than ever to keep in contact with people; yet, we're busier than ever so we don't. I'm also the type of person who's going to only try for so long. I don't like one-sided friendships. It's hurtful when you have to find out big news on Facebook from someone you considered a good friend. However, you learn to get over it. One of the hardest things I've had to do is come to terms with the fact that my best friends that I've had my entire life aren't really my good friends anymore. Even though they'll always be important to me and I'll always be here for them if they need me, our days of real friendship are over.

Recently when I go back home to visit, I just feel like a stranger. Even though, I love seeing my family and the people I'm still close to, I'm always just ready to get back to the place I now consider home. My parents don't understand this and they get their feelings hurt if I try to talk about it.

I know this post may sound like rambling and if you've never experienced any of these feelings, you don't know what I'm talking about. Basically, I just needed to get these feelings out there. I've been battling these thoughts and feelings for a while now. I know I can't be the only person who's experienced this. 

If you read this randomness, thanks! I'd love to know if you've ever experienced this or what your thoughts are on growing up and growing apart from people.