Ornaments for Adoption: Thoughts From Someone Who Was Adopted

It's Monday which means another Ornaments for Adoption post. Before we get to the post, let me give a quick update and take care of some business.

Did you know that each week, I'm hosting a drawing that you can be entered into for every ornament that you buy? Two weeks ago, Brenda Thigpen won a Starbucks gift card. This past week, Erin Gandy won a 16 inch faceted ball chain from Origami Owl thanks to Lynne. This week, you can win an adorable cross door hanger (similar to the one pictured below) courtesy of Megan at Dots and Curlz. Seriously, check out her page. She's always coming up with new ideas and her prices are always reasonable.

I'm keeping my Facebook page, Instagram, and website updated with pictures of the ornaments I'm making. Check out the OFA site to see how you can order your own ornament. Also make sure you meet this year's family and read the update from last year's family.

Today, I'm thankful to have this guest post from Kim who blogs over at The KO Story. This is a side of adoption we don't often read about. Kim was adopted and I appreciate her honesty in sharing the good and bad.

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When Megan contacted me asking that I write up something about adoption, I was overjoyed. After thinking about it for a few more minutes, I realized just how big of task I had in front of me. Should I write about my own adoption story and finding my birth mother this past spring? I could always go the route of sharing all of the things I love and admire about people that choose to adopt. After questioning what I really wanted to share for a good week or so, I settled on an idea: some ideas adopted children might be struggling with, and the reasoning behind those thoughts

There are tons of books from experts and parents who have adopted that inform people what to expect when they start the adoption process, but most times those people really can't understand the mind of an adopted child. My parents got married a little later in life, and after trying to have children for years, they finally decided to try out the adoption route. By the time they got me, my dad was 50 and my mom was 44. (Hopefully they don't see this and kill me for outing their ages!) Honestly, I couldn't have dreamed of better parents. They were, and still are, supportive, loving people who have always cared about me. I didn't see it that way when I was younger.

I've known that I was adopted since I could understand what adoption meant. The Day We Met You is an excellent book to introduce young children to adoption. Even though I knew my parents loved me, I also felt that somewhere out there, there was another family that just didn't love me enough to keep me. The following three issues were ones that were continuously running through my head.

• I don't belong - My parents both have dark hair and hazel eyes. I have blonde hair and blue eyes. They're both right-handed, I'm left-handed. I look nothing like any of my extended family, and I'm more reserved than any of them. Seeing those differences just amplified the fact that I wasn't blood-related.
• You aren't my real mother/father - This was the argument I used most often as a child, even up to high school. The sadness, and later anger, that there was a person out there that didn't want me often ate away at me. When my parents tried to discipline me, I threw this in their face as much as possible. 
• You don't really love me - This is another statement that was part of my abandonment issues. When I was a bit older and learned that the adopting parents pay for adoptions, it really shook me up. I felt more like a possession that could be returned if I wasn't what they wanted. I was constantly trying to please them, and if they got frustrated with me, I thought it was because they had paid for me and I wasn't acting meeting their expectations.

I'm sharing these because I know it might seem like adopted children act out more than other children would have, but that is just because there are so many other thoughts and ideas floating around their heads. It is my hope that people planning on adopting can begin to learn the thought-processes behind bad behavior. I think if my parents had learned to address these issues correctly, our relationship would have been much stronger growing up.

A couple other things I would like to say to all those adopting people out there: let your child know they are adopted as soon as you can. Hiding that fact can make a child feel like their parents are ashamed of it. And my final word of advice, if and when an adoptee wants to learn more about their birth family, support it. Knowing where you come from is a huge deal in my book, and you shouldn't worry about losing your child to their birth family. You are the person that raised that child and was there all along; you are the real parent.