Why the Double Standard?

Something has been really troubling me lately.

I feel that there is a double standard for what's acceptable for men and what's acceptable for women. 

I feel like this is especially true in the "Christian" culture. 

When I use the term "Christian," I will be referring to those who claim to be Christians.

So, what is this double standard? Sexual sin.

We all know the obvious sexual sin of having sex outside of marriage. That is not what I am here to focus on. 

We also all know what is considered sexual sin for men. "Christian" men shouldn't look at porn. They shouldn't watch movies with nudity. Many of them choose to look away when a woman is barely dressed. 

We know this and most "Christian" women would have a problem with their husbands looking at porn, nude women in movies, or barely dressed women. We know that these kinds of images can stir up lust in a man. 

If you're like me, you're disgusted at the useless addition of these barely dressed women in movies, TV shows, and advertisements. 

We expect our "Christian" men to flee from these images so that they will not fall into sin. I would be appalled if a man I knew that claimed to be a Christian was posting pictures of half dressed women on his Facebook or talking about seeing the latest movie that glorified women in a sexual manner.

Yet, we find it perfectly acceptable for "Christian" women to do these things.

Before I go any further, I want to start by saying again that I am in no way perfect in this area. I am human and I sin.Therefore, I will start by confessing some of my sin in this area.

Like most women, I appreciate a good looking man with a nice body. As a teenager, my room was full of posters of the hot guys of the time. If a magazine had one of my favorite guys on the cover, I was buying it. I became obsessed with certain guys. With the internet coming into our home came nights of looking up pictures of these guys with my friends. We'd 'ooo' and 'aaaah' over how hot they were. I fantasized about meeting one of these guys and having them sweep me off my feet. Overall, my fantasies were innocent, but these "hot guys" were becoming idols in my life.

As an avid reader, books are also an area of concern in my life. Like other forms of media, most books do not follow the Bible's standards for relationships. Sex is a common occurrence in most adult novels. These books created pictures and images in my mind quicker than any movie. Those images don't go away so easily. These novels are also always filled with lots of romance which set me up with unrealistic expectations. This is still an area I am working through because I love reading, but I don't want to read so many romance novels and get caught up in fantasy world.

My biggest problem is that I am a daydreamer. If I fill my mind with too much of something, that's all I can think about. I have to be careful not to fill my mind with a certain actor, character, idea, or concept.

Now, up until recently I wouldn't have really thought of any of those things as sinning. As I'm sure many people wouldn't have either. 

First of all I want to say that from articles I read when Lee and I were teaching the youth on purity, porn is not just a guy problem. There are many women and young girls who are addicted to porn. Our culture is becoming more visually stimulating for women as it is for men. You are seeing more and more shirtless men. Yet, this is okay to "Christian" women.

This is meant to be funny, but this is sadly true. Women create these fantasies in their mind when the only man who should be creating these desires in us should be our husbands (or future husbands).

Many a woman have "fallen in love" with and fantasized about certain characters from books, movies, and TV shows. They also "fall in love" and fantasize about certain celebrities. Yet, this is okay to "Christian" women. 

We expect our husbands (or brothers in Christ) not to look at pornographic magazines yet we read stories detailing sexual experiences. We expect our husbands (or brothers in Christ) not to watch pornograhic material yet we watch movies glorifying hot men and their hot bodies. 

Many people will say "It's just a book. Besides it has a good love story." or "It's just a movie. It's funny or it's a good love story." I have been down this road of justifying my actions. It doesn't make it right. If it put Jesus on the cross, it's not okay for us to participate in.

Now, these are not simply my thoughts and ideas. I'm going to close this blog with some scripture that speaks on these things.

"But among you there must not be EVEN A HINT of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people." -Ephesians 5:3
It goes on to name more things that God's people should not participate in, then it tells how these people will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Then, remember how some people will try to convince you (or you try to convince yourself) that it's "just a movie" or "just a book"? Look at this in verse 6:
"Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God's wrath comes on those who are disobedient."

"Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming." Colossians 3:5-6. It is natural for us to feel and think these things. We have to fight against our natural self. How do we do this? "So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature." -Galatians 6:16

This next verse is hard to take in. "If we claim to have fellowship with him, yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth." -1 John 1:6. Do you get what that is saying? You can claim to be a Christian all day long, but if you continue to live for yourself and continue to choose to sin-you're lying to yourself.

Christians are called to live "like Christ." "Whoever claims to live in him must walk as Jesus walked." -1 John 2:6 "For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers." -Romans 8:29

The purpose of our lives is to glorify Him. "For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen" -Romans 11:36 "Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your father in heaven." -Matthew 5:16

Are the things you watch, read, look at,think about, and post on the internet glorifying Him? Are they imitating Christ?

I will confess again, this is an area I struggle with. I am writing this to myself first. Our life is a constant battle between our earthly, sinful desires and what we know to be right. Yet, it's time that we stop holding Christian men to a different standard than Christian women.

(If you're interested and haven't read it, I also recently wrote a blog on purifying your mind that goes hand in hand with this blog.)